Are You Mallu Enough? at Saturday, May 06, 2006

Welcum. We have compiled a small survey to determine the 'mallu'ness of a person. So keep a pen and pad ready. answer truthfully and keep a calculator ready! At the end determine your scores and your 'mallu'ness.

Q1. Do you think fried bananas are yum?

1. A.Of course.
2. B.Is it the same as Banana Chips?
3. C.Sometimes.
4. D.If I’m dying of hunger I can pass it off as a chocolate bar.

Q2. How many last names do you have?

1. A.1
2. B.More than 1
3. C.Dunno coz can’t pronounce it.
4. D.None

Q3. Describe your ideal man or woman?

1. A.Tall Dark and Handsome/ Latina 36-24-36
2. B.Boy/girl next door type
3. C.No ideal man or woman coz my parents will choose him\her for me
4. D.A homely south Indian youth with a job in the gelff!

Q4. What’s your favorite channel on TV?

1. A.God TV
2. B.MTV
3. C.Discovery travel and living
4. D.Asianet

Q5. Do you constantly differentiate yourself from other communities?

1. A.I don’t exactly know what I am, its so damn confusing
2. B.Who gives a damn
3. C.No coz people know I’m superior
4. D.Call me a madrasi and Ill kill you where you stand

Q6. Would you date a guy/gal with a name which sounds like Liju/lintu/liju/achu?

1. A.Are these even names?
2. B.of course not these are lower caste names
3. C.What’s in a name?
4. D.Achacha and amachi will be sooo proud of me!

Q7. Are you related to all the members in your community?

1. A.What kind of question is this? I will tell my elder cousin brother on my father’s uncle's side to hit you.
2. B.Some of them
3. C.All Indians are my brothers and sisters
4. D.I try to stay as far as possible from my relatives

Q8. A catastrophe is:

1. A.Dooms day
2. B.Famine
3. C.Sambhar without potatoes
4. D.Death of Mohanlal

Q9. How many relatives do you have in the Gelff?

1. A.None
2. B.What is this place you keep referring to!
3. C.As an NRI in the UAE I find this question racist!
4. D.I’ll have to call my Achacha and answer this question

Q10. Do you think it is socially acceptable to wear a lungi in public?

1. A.What do you think I am? A doodhwala?
2. B.what the hell is a lungi?
3. C.My dad wears one at home but that’s as far as it goes
4. D.The problem with the world is that teenagers today like to wear pants!

Q11. What does 'Ninte ammente thala' mean?

1. A.Hey you’re just making up gibberish!
2. B.Badly written French
3. C.some madrasi language
4. D.Samarth samarth! Personal attack!!!

Q12. It’s sat. evening you got nothing to do, you’re friends call you to hang out. You.......

1. A. Ask them time and place!
2. B. You’re already out there
3. C. Would rather spend weekends relaxing at home
4. D. Ask mom who denies and tells you to ask dad who tells you to ask mom!

Q13. An ideal vacation would be:

1. A. A trip to a tropical paradise/virgin islands
2. B. Hill Station
3. C. Church Camp
4. D. Back home at your uncles daughters, moms aunties place in Kerala

Q14. What’s your favorite movie?

1. A. Meet the Parents
2. B. Anything with Mohanlal/Rajkumar/Mamooty/Rajnikanth in it
3. C. Anything good
4. D. Too many to name

Q15. Do you know what a spatula is?

1. A. Of course I do (it’s the big spoon isn’t it?)
2. B. that thing where you spit
3. C. Don’t know but still going for HM
4. D. Flattened Tarantula

Scoring

Q1- A.10 B.5 C.7 D.2

Q2- A.2 B.5 C.10 D.7

Q3- A.2 B.5 C.7 D.10

Q4- A.7 B.5 C.2 D.10

Q5- A.5 B.2 C.7 D.10

Q6- A.2 B.7 C.5 D.10

Q7- A.10 B.7 C.5 D.2

Q8- A.5 B.2 C.10 D.7

Q9- A.5 B.2 C.7 D.10

Q10- A.5 B.2 C.7 D.10

Q11- A.2 B.5 C.7 D.10

Q12- A.5 B.2 C.7 D.10

Q13- A.5 B.2 C.10 D.7

Q14- A.5 B.10 C.7 D.2

Q.15- A.7 B.5 C.10 D.2

Results

1. Less than 60- You are to Mallus what George bush is to rock music! Though it is good not be mallufied, try not to be racist (especially if u live in a place where mallus are in a majority)
2. 61 to 90 - You have a good balance between your normal side and Mallu side. However this puts you in the gray area and therefore you are condemned to hell. So live your life to the fullest NOW.
3. 91 to 120- you’re not a hardcore Mallu yet, there’s still hope for you, though you’re leaning on the white side there’s still a bit of black on you so technically are gray too! Hence you are on the damned side as well!! The choice is yours! Be a white Mallu (there’s no such thing all mallus are black) or be happy and g(r)ay.
4. More that 120- Welcome to the MVM club i.e. The Mallu Velya Makri Club. There’s no escaping it. You’re a Mallu through and through and have most probably gotten a score of 150. The good news is you aren’t in the gray but I guess that’s the silver lining to your gray, I mean black cloud. You win a candle light date at Sheikh Al Wahab Fruit Salad Menon's Cafe in Yemen with Liju/Achu, where u will be a served a meal that consists of Sambhar (with potatoes of course) rice, fried bananas, jack fruits and coconut water for drinks! Goongraajulazens! Tenju berry muj for taking this survey.

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Brought to you from the colorblind makers of ‘The Metamorphosis of the Malayalee Manav’

Paras ‘thewisedonkay’ Sharma and Joel ‘Virtualchameleon’ Coelho