The Voice Inside My Head. at Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I don’t quite know what it is that makes me write like this, but the feeling is beyond words. It takes me in like a trance, a different level of thinking altogether. All I know is that its something beyond my understand, something I cannot comprehend no matter how much I learn about heaven and hell and so on and so forth, its something I cannot describe no matter how well I word it. The same feeling is taking over me at this point, it’s happened twice before, once when I wrote ‘Introspection’ the other was when I was going on a pilgrimage to Goddess Vaishno Devi’s Shrine in Jammu in March. This isn’t about religion, it isn’t about the goddess herself, nor did it take place at her shrine, it was a good 3-4 kms away from it in the cramped backseat of a car in cold weather (a lot colder than I am used to). Yet there was a feeling of calm, a soothing feeling, almost as if I was at peace with the world.

I have grown a lot in the last year in terms of personality and spirituality.I have been very confused, restless and curious about things like God, life, after life, heaven, hell, karma, monotheism and the likes. The highest point in this phase would be the time when I did my ‘Introspection’ blog, my friends thought I was losing it, some thought I was finding my ‘savior’ and what not. The Gita, the Bible and various other religion related things gave me a part of what I needed to know but there was still a whole lot of unanswered questions in my head. And in that very cramped backseat I got the answers to the questions that I thought would never be answered.

I felt that I didn’t even know who I was, why I was born and what my purpose was. There were times I’d look myself in the mirror and ask would I recognize myself in a crowd? The answers came in the same fashion as the questions.

The voice inside began, ‘You’ll know who you are soon enough, there’s a purpose for you, you are a vital piece of the massive jigsaw puzzle that is the universe, there’s a reason why you are made so, and there is a reason why you were born where you were, there is a pattern that you take forth, and for that pattern to move ahead you must be what you are. Life isn’t about a bunch of randomly selected genes thrown together to make a combination, it is a journey that you take with me. I am not your master, I am your friend, I am walking with you not watching over you, I bought you here to teach you something, everywhere you go, I go with you. There are things I will need to show you, and there are other things I need you to see for yourself, but rest assured that nothing happens without my consent.
Everything happens for a reason, some things offer a momentary gain others a loss, but in the end, it shapes you into the form I want to see you in. Do not however think that you are tied down by my plan, destiny is only a part what you will be, it is like a destination, and how you get there is for both of us to see. I am with you, I am besides you, and I am a part of you. I love you like no other has. Call me what you may, I recognize you, your disguises don’t conceal who you really are. Actions do not have significance here as you do nothing without my consent; sometimes I let you have your will sometimes I make you reconsider it, but its all to teach you something. There are some things that you will learn easily, others will seem irrelevant to you for ages, but you must go through them to know what they are. I have not sent you away from my abode, I have come along with you to take you places and show you things so that you may realize your truth. But for the truth to make sense to you, there are things you must see and learn for yourself.
Not everyone understands the same thing in the same way. That is why, the uniqueness exists. If you were just like the rest what would be the point of you being born? You have your own place, always did and always will. If I started to bundle people as good or bad, what am I God for? Everyone has a destination, a destination that they will reach eventually. There are things you need to learn from the world, and there are things the world needs to learn from you. If it was just me telling the same thing to each individual, that would be brainwashing and not learning. That is why you meet other people, so they can teach you and be taught themselves, which is why you communicate. You are not alone here and you never will be. The same goes for everyone else. I am where you want to find me. You may think I am here, while that isn’t a lie, it is also true that I am everywhere else.
How do you think I am talking to you right now? Do you truly think it is your unconscious mind? Even if it was your unconscious mind, what do you think triggered it? An electrical impulse? What do you think that electrical impulse was? A fluke or a well planned move? Am I the person who you hear about in temples, churches and mosques? Yes I am! If you go to any of those places you will find me. But if you go away from it to your routine life I still am with you, who do you think gave you this routine life? Everyday is a lesson, it isn’t a bunch of random happenings, some of it will make sense to you, the others won’t because not every lesson is meant for you. Not every thing is aimed at you. I know there is something you are looking for, something that will complete you, and to be honest I cannot wait till you find that thing, for then you will truly understand each and every thing that happened to you.
You need not know everything, but I will tell you all that you need to know and all that you ask me for. If anyone else asks me to do the same I will do that for them too. To each his own. I am your creator, I am the immortal being that lives inside of you, I am the voice that is speaking to you. Notice how I speak in your own voice, in your own lingo. I do that for everyone else too. That means that everyone else is different and I am the same! No matter where you call out to me from, no matter what language it is, I can still understand you and always hear you. And though I stop speaking to you right now, I will return.
If you need me you know where to find me. I am at this shrine and every other place you go to. Just like everything else, there is a reason why I told you what I just did, and there is a reason why you will do things you do after I tell you this. You have a long way to go, a lot to see, a lot to show others, and there far too many things that we shall experience together. Is this the end of a chapter in your life? It may well be, but then again isn’t everyday the first day of the rest of your life? Like I said earlier, you are a part of a pattern, a pattern that stretches farther anything you can comprehend, so I tell you only as much as you can comprehend, but fear not I will never leave you unsatisfied, I will satiate your curiosities no matter what they are. Don’t worry about where you are headed, I know it and soon enough you will too!’