TRUST at Friday, October 27, 2006

'Is it you,
Is it me,
Is it us,
Or is it TRUST!'
Adema - Trust

Trust - its something that matters a lot in life. We need to trust so many things; trust our abilities, trust family, trust friends, trust your lovers/spouses , trust co-workers, trust the government, trust the premordial goodness of people......and TRUST GOD!
Trust implies fully believing in somebody/something without a shadow of a doubt. And well its a two way process. Part one, you need to be willing to trust others and part two others should be trustworthy and live up to your trust. These two parts dont come one after the other, they co-exist, if one part is missing than the other is pointless.
I could be the most trustworthy person out there, but if you choose not to trust me, then its just not gonna work. Similarly, I can put all my trust in you, but if you dont live upto my trust, a problem arises again. All of us have been guilty of either one or both of these things.
Let's first look at whether we want to trust in the first place...
Okay firstly we need food, so we need to trust the fact that food is out there, we need sleep, so we need to sure that there is no danger around so we can go to sleep, we need sex and that should ideally involve having to love and trust a person too. We need affiliation, which would imply having that one person who you can trust come what may. We need social acceptance, so at some point we need to trust other people in society. We also need knowledge, so we need to trust the source of our information. When it comes to religion, we need to trust that God is always there for us and everything happens for the best. And finally, if we cannot trust anybody/anything, we would go insane for sure. Take my word on that.
So I can say with some degree of certainty that Yes, we as humans want to TRUST....

The second part however is the tricky one. Trusting is risky, we need to know who to trust, how much to trust them etc. Human beings have been screwed over so many times that trusting is a tough job indeed. Theres suffering all over the world, so one finds it hard to trust GOD. There's poverty, unemployment, corruption and what nots, so we cannot trust the system. Theres adulteration of food, so we cant even trust foodstuffs now. We have family members killing each other and screwing each other over, add that to the list as well. Did I mention divorces, extramarital affairs, cheating on your partner, lying,stealing, back stabbing and the likes...
Well you get the picture, right?

'Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well,
Sometimes I feel like just screaming at myself,
Sometimes I'm in disbelief I didnt know,
Sometimes I need to be alone....'
Linkin Park - Don't Stay

I am at a point in my life where I dont know who or what to trust. I maybe pessimistic, but believe me, I have reasons to be so. I wish I could trust someone enough to tell them all that was going on, but when your deepest beliefs are shaken to the core, you cant really have faith in anyone.

"I know it's hard to keep an open heart; When even friends seem out to harm you.."
Guns N' Roses - November Rain

Dont ask me what's up, I wont tell. I wish I could, but I just cant. Dont take this personally if you're reading this, I'll tell you when I feel it's time.
All I know right now is that writing helps me feel better, and right now it sure is helping. I dont know if everything happens for the best, but I do know everything happens for a reason. Right now, I dont know whats going on and I dont know the reason either. I want the truth, but I dont know if I can take it.....

'If I gave you the truth would it keep you alive'
Seether - Truth

I know I have friends who will help me out through tough times. I know my family will too. I know God's looking out for me too. I know I need to be strong, but on days like these, it just gets too hard.
I want to trust, I want to believe, I want to put my faith in other people, just dont let me down, thats all I ask. The only one I trust right now is God: God whose always been there and always will......

'Daddy here I am again,
Will you take me back tonight?
I went and made the world my friend
And it left me high and dry'
Casting Crowns - Prodigal

With this I end, hoping tomorrow will make things better, because at the end of the day, its hope that keeps me going on....